Recently, the daily TED newsletter mentioned an interesting video called “How to find work that you love” by Scott Dinsmore. Actually, this is a question which is also still on my mind. I am not sure if my writing will ever earn me a living. So far it doesn’t earn me anything. Yet it has become my newly discovered talent and my new passion. Stopping now is not an option to me.
Scott Dinsmore calls his organisation ‘Live Your Legend‘. I like – love – this expression as it feels like the right thing to do. I used the term ‘legacy’ rather than ‘legend’ in my blog of 26 August 2015 called “I’m a Believer”. I suppose these two terms also show the difference in perspective between people from USA and Europe. Americans always think BIG in just about anything.
One of the most intriguing statements in this TED video is a quote by motivational speaker Jim Rohn which says: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
This quote relates to the law of averages, which is the theory that the result of any given situation will be the average of all outcomes (BusinessInsider). Strictly speaking, this interpretation of statistics is wrong: “The law of averages is a layman’s term for a belief that the statistical distribution of outcomes among members of a small sample must reflect the distribution of outcomes across the population as a whole” (Wikipedia). In case of a so called normal – or Gaussian – statistical distribution, the minimum sample size needs to be 400 in order to reach a 95% probability (Wiki).
When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced — whether we like it or not — by those closest to us. It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. While it’s ideal to be closely surrounded by positive, supportive people who want you to succeed, it’s also necessary to have your critics. According to a study in the Journal of Consumer Research, “Tell Me What I Did Wrong: Experts Seek And Respond To Negative Feedback,” novices have a preference for positive feedback, but experts want negative feedback, so that they can make progress. (BusinessInsider)
When I look back at the past 2 to 3 decades then I recognise another phenomenon: social climbing. Social climbing is actively changing this average of 5 people by gaining new people you spend (most) time with, and losing others. When in a relationship it’s not always easy retaining old friends once your partner starts criticising them. Your partner may even be right in his/her observations. Worse, such friendship once brought added value to you but you lose track of that over the years.
Often we fool ourselves by claiming that we haven’t changed. Our appearance, behaviour, character, goals, innocence, and even our core values in life do change. For some this change implies progress and for others not but we are never ever the same person. Life’s experiences and especially its scars do shape us. It’s like the (same!) boy on the cover of the U2 albums Boy and War.
As a result of my self chosen solitude, I have become my own average. I now suddenly think and feel that I’m delaying selecting these 5 persons considering the continuous progress that I’m still making. Saying ‘goodbye’ isn’t really easy for me and thus delaying saying ‘hello’ makes perfect sense.
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