To my own astonishment I noticed that I have never written anything about jealousy. Now is a good moment as I have just lost a brand new Facebook friend due to jealousy. My Facebook friend is – or better: was – a former colleague of my former girlfriend. My former girlfriend thinks that I am after her former colleague. Well I am not and I am pretty sure about that.
I am partly to blame for this incident. A week ago, I had told my former girlfriend that I was amazed how pretty her former colleague looks as I had finally seen her picture. My ex gf had often mentioned her former colleague but I had never seen her. My ex gf’s response a week ago should have alerted me – with hindsight. Today we exchanged some nasty messages about this new FB friendship. I also accused her of just being jealous as I fail to see any other explanation.
I just had a FB chat with that former colleague and she didn’t understand the attitude of my former girlfriend. Neither do I as my former girlfriend should be happy in love with her new boyfriend. I did accuse her of being jealous but seriously, how could she even be jealous of me befriending her former colleague?? Nevertheless, that former colleague and I agreed that it would be better not to be FB friends anymore to avoid further negative emotion from my former girlfriend.
Until late 2012, I had never even felt jealousy in my life when it comes to women. With hindsight, the most logical explanation is that I had never been in love until then. Late 2012, I strongly felt that a Kenyan woman was making a move on my Kenyan girlfriend. Out of nowhere, I got a sudden and immense attack of jealousy. My first ever. Later my Kenyan girlfriend confirmed that this woman had indeed been planning to steal her away from me.
Since late 2012, I see jealousy as the ugly, dark side of love. I think and feel that it is a very powerful negative emotion in the brain and most likely very capable of taking over the logic of the mind. I was very surprised to experience this emotion. Actually I was also a little afraid as this emotion was so powerful. It took my mind some minutes to get in control again. The anger lasted much longer.
For as long as we can remember, women have had a reputation for jealousy and cattiness. 73% of women admitted to feeling jealous, as opposed to 27% of men. 63% of single women said they felt jealous of their married friends, while 37% said that they loved being single. (YourTango)
Initially, less than half the women surveyed said that they struggled with trust issues, but questions about specific instances of jealousy suggested otherwise. 53% of women secretly check their partner’s emails and phone history. The same percentage of women flirt in front of their husband to make him jealous, and a whopping 77% married women say they would feel jealous if their husband had a close, platonic female friend. Oddly enough, only 13% of women said that their husbands would feel jealous if they talked to another man. The 53% of coupled-up women who flirt with other guys might want to rethink that strategy. (YourTango)
The problem for men is that women use jealousy as a tactic for defense and offense. Nevertheless, the old saying is: “The best defense is a good offense” (Wiki).
My advice to my ex gf (and myself) is from the song below: “Get yourself a life and make it work”.
In Your Shoes (2009) by Beverly Knight
artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2
Note: all markings (bold, italic, underlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.
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