The term sapiosexual was once thrown at me by a young, well-educated, smart Kenyan woman. Given my ignorance with this word and her rather erratic behaviour, I immediately assumed that this term was an insult. Boy, was I wrong. The term was not even about me but about her!
I still have difficulty remembering this strange word and most of all as it is rarely used. And much to my own – and probably your – surprise, once you know its meaning: A person sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind (Wikipedia). In my view, the mind is indeed a powerful turn-on – and turn-off. Hence it’s the 1st hurdle in the 7 hurdles of establishing a relationship (August 20 blog).
I have been struggling with the difference in perception between men and women when it comes to either The 7 Stages of Love – For Men (May 13 blog) or the 7 Hurdles (August 20 blog). In general, men fall in love much later than women. Perhaps this term – sapiosexual – is a reason why women are able to think and feel that they are in love with a man – even prior to meeting him.
The term sapiosexual tends to be used amongst young women which may make perfect sense given increased female/male equality and also given the erosion of social classes in many societies. Men seem to relate less to this term than women. My Google search resulted in some interesting – female – comments and also interesting sites (Facebook, EliteDaily, YourTango):
- “All women claim to be sapiosexuals, including myself. What fraction of us can actually be considered as sapiosexual is debatable. [..] Also, every woman has her own standard of ‘intelligence’. For some it is low, for others, quite high. So in relative terms, all women can be considered as sapiosexuals.” (Quora)
- “[..] Girls still go for looks but a very healthy percentage of them prefer a man with intellect. [..] Coming to the percentage part, as per my experience with both men and women, around 72% percent women in India are sapiophiles.” (Quora)
- “I find the human body of both sexes very attractive but I will not take any interest, if they do not show any signs of real intelligence. The more intelligent they are, the more attractive they are to me.” (Loner Wolf)
Nevertheless, I still struggle with the difference in male/female behaviour when it comes to Love. Knowing this difference, it can – obviously – easily be misused. And that fact may well explain topics like a five-date-rule (DailyMail) and popular movies around that theme: Friends with Benefits (2011) and the funny Think Like A Man (2012). Latter movie is actually based on the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. This book for women, describes Harvey’s concept of what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. In my view, at least the movie is a recommended watch for women.
I do realise that my personal struggle is also about the same thing that is keeping relationships between men and women interesting as we are never ever finished understanding each other. Often it’s like “the more I know, the less I understand” (Don Henley, lyrics, video, Wiki) or “The more I learn, the more I realise how much I don’t know.” (Albert Einstein)
Intellectual passion drives our sensuality. Gretchen Rubin (an adapted Leonardo da Vinci quote)
Is She Really Going Out With Him ? Joe Jackson, 1978 (lyrics, Wiki)
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