Sta Hungry Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

A blog by Leon Oudejans

The Seven Stages of Love – for Men

13 May 2015


For several days something has been bugging me. I assumed I was annoyed by several women for either stalking me, ignoring me, or something in between. This morning I googled a word that was once mentioned to me but which I had forgotten. I found that word (sapiosexual: one who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature) but I also found an article that opened my eyes.

Basically, the article’s headline says it all: “The feelings of love may be the same for both sexes but the stages of love are an entirely unique experience. Understand how men think and how men fall in love.” This headline was too compelling for me, not to be – very – curious about its entire message. Its 6th sentence already revealed that I was about to read something quite important and relevant: “For men, falling in love is a happy experience, but love doesn’t really kick in for a while.”

After reading the entire article I decided to write about it today although this blog may well backfire on me. If that is the case then it’s meant to be. I cannot change male evolutionary psychology. Moreover, for many years I have been trying to shake-off a Feng Shui Master’s prediction on women without much success. Apparently, some things are meant to be. Recently, I have even acknowledged a business opportunity that I had deliberately ignored for years and which he had advised to me.

The article describes seven (7) stages of love in male psychology:

1. Appreciation: it was the picture of your face that created immediate appreciation;

2. Infatuation: I pursued you with my words to get your attention and establish mutual appreciation;

3. Attraction: initially I felt no interest from you in me and your joke thus came as no surprise;

4. Impression: I must admit that I have been quite busy impressing you and not only with words;

5. Conviction: indeed I’ve been reading your body language and scrutinising your words to find out;

6. Reaffirmation: in this stage the male finally starts thinking whether her love is also his;

7. Decision time: this is the moment the male either takes it to the next level or avoids the female.

Apparently, I’m in stage 6 right now which is unsettling to me. Actually, it bugs me. My May 11 blog on Fear and Hope didn’t fully open my eyes. This article did. Nevertheless, it is not easy for me to acknowledge that these 7 stages also apply to me. It makes me feel less unique.

I would like to quote one of the conclusions of the article: “How men fall in love with a woman is annoying. And it’s more annoying to know that men have to actually make women fall in love with them before they even think about going out with you, but that’s the way men fall in love and they really have no choice about it.” Indeed this is annoying but it’s also annoying to me!

The article provides an explanation for this male behaviour and I quote: It’s a selfish move, but it’s something evolution has taught all male species. “Don’t waste time thinking. Spend your time searching for more places to bust a nut.” The article also proposes a counter move: “But if you really want to beat the guy in his own game, don’t make it obvious that you really like him at the very first instant. Keep it simple and play hard to get for a while.” And so the game will continue.

While I’m still wondering about its evolutionary purposes, I’m stuck with its consequences today. I feel decision time will not be “tomorrow”. I am confident that I’ll reach a decision soon or soonish.


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