Yesterday evening, after the Lalah Hathaway concert in Paradiso, my brother asked me why I have such an interest in dark skinned women. He added that even my first girlfriend was black. I disagreed with his last remark as her skin was quite pale but her hair was indeed black, being half Indonesian. I was struggling to find an answer to his first question as I didn’t really know the answer. The term bounty is often used for dark skinned people with distinct Dutch behaviour (e.g., eating traditional Dutch food, playing “white” sports, having “white” friends). Perhaps I’m a reversed bounty.
Since I was young I have always been attracted to women with a tanned skin. I must admit that I didn’t have the guts back then to enter into lasting relationships with them. I feared the response by society and was too insecure to handle that kind of pressure. Moreover, I was far from sure whether I would be able to accept its ultimate consequence being a “zebra” child, the Kenyan nickname for mixed race children. My children are Caucasian and I love them. I sincerely doubt that this feeling would change if their skin colour or hair structure would have been different.
My feelings on this issue are quite well outlined in a Dutch movie called “Alleen maar nette mensen” (Only decent people). This tragic comedy isn’t particularly funny but it’s quite interesting from a socio-economic background. In my view, this movie is about prejudice – and sometimes plain racism – between Jews, Moroccans, people from Surinam and the Dutch Antilles, and lastly “blackies”. “Blackies” is the nickname for people from Africa. Having been in Africa myself, I realise that prejudice just continues over there: especially between West and East Africans, and ultimately between tribes. Also see my May 18 blog on tribalism and Kenyan women.
There are also some interesting sayings that apply to people like me: once you go black you never go back, the blacker the berry the sweeter the cherry, and black don’t crack. There’s some truth in all of this. Yet I told my brother that it’s not skin colour that drives me. It’s the person inside and especially her eyes. Also see my April 22 blog called Eyes are the mirror of the soul.
I have come to dislike the egalitarian attitude of Dutch women. I want a Princess or a Queen rather than an equal. There’s no equality when it comes to relationships. There’s always a struggle for power amongst (alleged) equals. I am no longer interested in that battle of the sexes.
I suppose that I prefer the way how black women treat their man. Yet, I have seen a similar approach in my (white skinned) girlfriends from Algeria and Morocco. So, it’s definitely not skin colour that drives my preferences. It’s their attitude or – perhaps – their lack of an attitude.
Another distinct preference is the lack of emotional luggage. I seem to be a magnet to people who haven’t dealt with their emotional issues and carry them forward to their future relationships. Negativity is like a black hole sucking all positive energy. I can’t recharge my battery in such a relationship. I would be gravitating towards that black hole day by day. I refuse to let negativity rule my life again.
Perhaps the answer to my brother should have been: “Love has no colour ”. Interestingly, this is even the name of a song by The Winans, featuring Anita Baker and Michael McDonald.
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