I have been wondering for a while why I keep on writing these blog articles. I have never ever done such a thing before. I didn’t even know that I could write articles although one of my long time desires is writing a book. Since 2014 I have made some attempts writing books but they are still unfinished business in the absence of conviction and determination.
Early 2014, when I started this blog, I got some initial negative feedback that urged me to reconsider what I was doing. Supposedly, it was bad for my career (prospects). More recently I have put much more effort into my blog for the exact opposite reason. I feel that it may help finding a future match. Business wise but perhaps even on a personal level too.
There is however an even more compelling reason why I am writing my blog. I realised that when I saw the 2005 graduation speech of Steve Jobs at Stanford University again on TV. He ended his speech with the words: Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. It was his appeal to his fellow graduates as an outlook towards life. The opposite of being absorbed and dull.
I suppose these words have been my driving force since long although mostly on a subconscious level. This blog has made me even more conscious of what actually drives me. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Never stop learning and never be afraid to ask the simplest question of all: Why? Asking once – or even twice – is usually not enough as people tend to hide behind their words.
Writing this blog allows me to focus on the essence of matters that come close to my heart and mind. In a way it even comes close to a legacy. To others, to myself and to my inner peace. Obviously I also hope that it may help others in finding their way. Nevertheless, that is a byproduct. I do not write for others. I write for myself. To better express what I feel is important while using a minimum of words and a maximum of impact. I strongly believe in less is more.
Nowadays I sometimes get a personal response from people reading my blog. Once in a while I get a suggestion for reading an article that may be suitable for a new topic. I really appreciate both. It makes me even more determined to continue.
Most recently I have decided that this period in my life has become my long overdue sabbatical. My hunger and foolishness had been absorbed by a failed marriage, a failed relationship as well as an overabundant loyalty towards a friendly company with a hostile management. For several years anger, irritation and frustration had replaced hunger and foolishness. At times I felt like being one of the grumpy old men Waldorf and Statler.
My past due collision with the notorious brick wall has been cathartic. To be entirely sure I verified with Wikipedia: Catharsis (from the Greek word katharsis, meaning purification or cleansing) is the purification and purgation of emotions – especially pity and fear – through art or any extreme change in emotion that results in renewal and restoration. This word feels very appropriate indeed.
Today I am able to say that I have never felt better in my entire life. I finally feel at peace, mostly with myself. I have finally accepted myself for who I am. I have become my own best friend and therefore never feel lonely despite being alone for the first time in my entire life. Being a human being rather than a robot, I do have my relapses though, especially around holidays (e.g., Christmas).
Recently someone asked me how do I manage my situation. My answer was: through my overwhelming will to survive. That will itself is based on my belief, faith, trust and religion.