Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. This is a famous quote by the Irish poet and writer Oscar Wilde (1854-1900). This quote is also the leading theme in the famous Rob Reiner movie When Harry Met Sally (1989) with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. The movie isn’t famous for the theme but for its restaurant scene in which Meg Ryan proves to Billy Crystal that women can indeed fake orgasms.
Friendship between men is rather common. Friendship between women is that complicated that it may even require a separate blog rather than a separate blog article. That complicated friendship between women is one of the reasons why women look for male friends, especially gay male friends. Latter already supports Oscar Wilde’s earlier quote.
I once saw a YouTube video on this topic which is quite enlightening. I did some effort finding it again and here it is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA. Go see it as it’s hilarious. This video underlines Oscar Wilde’s claim but also makes very clear that women and men have a totally different view on this subject.
Friendship is an illusion. It’s a title of a hit song by the Dutch band Het Goede Doel (in English their name would be like The Good Cause). The composer, Henk Westbroek, made some interesting comments in an interview on male friendships. The following is a (best efforts) translation of his remarks: “Friends split for the most trivial reasons. Friendships dilute as people move, fight about money or one of them gets a girlfriend with whom the other cannot deal. It may sound a little gloomy but it is the truth. I am able to mention ten to twelve persons with whom I no longer have contact but of whom I assumed that our special connection was forever. I think that many people will recognise this.” Source: http://www.henkwestbroek.com/1998/henk-westbroek-over-de-illusie-van-vriendschap
Indeed I recognise this. After my 2010 move to Belgium, my 2010-2014 divorce (court) battles, and my 2013 burn-out, I have few friends left in my life. It’s okay as I also made an error in judgement by assuming that business friends would be personal friends too. Well, they are not. And some friends actually were just acquaintances. A divorce implies that friends and acquaintances feel the need for taking sides and my moving to another country did not help in that process. I also found out that some people assume that a burn-out may be contagious. Well, that’s almost funny.
Quite often I get female friendship requests through social media. Either the underlying motivation is a long distance relationship or they look for a male-like friendship. I am not interested in either one.
I only believe in friendship between a man and a woman when they are in a relationship together. Communication in a relationship is vital for making the relationship sustainable. Intimacy is the other key ingredient. Friendship within a relationship allows communication to be open and transparant without being afraid for getting punished for that.
Let me finalise with some hilarious Oscar Wilde quotes:
– I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.
– Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.
– Women are made to be loved, not understood.
– How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
0 Comments